Hi all,
As you all know
our system has had tons of therapy in our 30 and part or our 40s. And
please excuse us if we are not perfectionist about spelling and
grammar and such like we usually are. It is late and I think the
cancer meds are making our eyes blurry. So seeing is hard. But I need
to talk abut this. The system has had tons of therapy with someone that
was good but that did not believe in getting us on meds for possible
Bipoloar Disorder. I will never understand that. I started those,
thankfully, in my mid whatever's. I am older now and pretty stable...for the
most part.
Well,
at the end of seeing Janet, who dealt with the abuse and the DID we
were incorporated and working well together. We were not fuses and didn
not want to be fused. We had a government system and it worked. If
someone wanted to do something a little different then it needed to be
approved by the people on the governing board. And that we all agree
upon.
Then
when the body was 48 it got breast Cancer. A 5 mm tumor. Non invasive
to the lymph glands (thank goddess and god). We had a lumpectomy,
radiation and started on a 5 year pill. The pill is poison. It made
the body gain 30 pounds in 2 months. Leah and Angela and Kat freaked
out and we relapsed with an eating disorder tghat we had in our teens
and 20s. It seems Leah and Angela have most of the control when it
comes to food and eating. The rest of use seem to be at their mercy.
We put in our opinions but it does not do much good. What does do good
is the excruciating headaches from starving and the joint aches. We can't exercise because there is just no energy.
To make a long story shorter, there seems to be a complete breakdown of
the organization that once was. Chaos reigns. An example of this:
Mariah was working her psychic shift and was on webcam. She was in a
private reading. The phone rang from another company that we also
work. We should haave let it rung and lost the call because we were
already with a client. But suddenly Kat popped out and picked up the
phone WHILE SHE WAS ON CAMERA. Mariah came back out and disconnected us,
Kat came out and finished the phone call. The psychic client left bad
feedback that the bosses did not allow on my profile page and they are
trying to fix it but I could have lost my job. tHIS SHIT CAN'T
HAPPEN. Things are crazy in here.
I
love my therapist but she is not gonna know what to do with this and I
have to find out what to do to gain some control. Ever since the cancer
and the ED relapse the system has been in chaos. I am really surprised
that we are not losing time. I love my therapist and have had her for a
long time but, I think I may need to get someone trained in DID.
Thanks for reading (if you made it this far). Suggestions are helpful.
Kat et al
--
This is Littlebit dancing in her dreams.
