Such Bullshit

This is Kat.  Angela is exerting her power.  We are restricting even more.  Lots of headaches.

Went and saw my psych today and let her know the meds were not working and that I was really depressed.  She added a med and asked if I was suicidal.  I told her yes.  She asked if I had a plan and I said no.  I later told her that if the depression continues I most likely will be more suicidal.  She told me she wanted me in an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP)  I tried to get out of it but she was pretty intent.  She said if my depression got worse I might need to go inpatient for a few days to make sure a crisis didn't happen.  I think a crisis is already happening.  She wanted me to call when I got home and I did.  I got the process started.  I am hoping my insurance covers it.

She asked me what kept me from hurting myself.  I told her this is a temporary condition that does not need a permanent solution like suicide. But if Angela or Leah get in control this philosophy may go out the window.  However we can control Leah in not allowing her to cut the body perhaps we could control if she attempted suicide.

As you can see by my pictures, I am confused as to my thinking.  I am trying to be positive but I am still feeling the affects of the eating disorder that I, Kat, carries.