The magic button — Make Everything OK

The magic button — Make Everything OK  

I found it...no more DID or eating disorder or bipolar depression.  I am free!

More Depression

This is Mariah.  We have been feeling some depression lately.  It is making us sleep more.  The meds are making the fairly easy.  We just got done telling the doctor that we were feeling stable.  The next day it went to hell. I have having a Mood Disorder.  I wonder if the Effexor is still working.

Talking to the Therapist

This is Leah.  So now they are saying that Angela and I need to talk to Lisa.  They say it will lessen the chance of going into inpatient care.  I know that inpatient care is not a probability because the cancer medicine is still making us overweight.  We can starve all we want and can't lose.  Well that is not all the way true.  I have lost 5 pounds just by eating even less that I already ate.  Between 500 and 700 cals per day.  I also want to drink a fruit drink a little before I exercise and then do a work out on the elliptical.  This will help me lose.  So maybe I will talk to Lisa on the condition that I don't have to stop my eating habits and I can exercise.

Leah

A little at a Time

This is Leah I am one of the ones that holds the eating disorder.  I also take laxatives.  I also...along with Angela try not to tell people how much we eat

I am slowly trying to introduce foods into my diet that will increase calories without increasing fat and sugar.  Angela hates this effort.  Kat is helping me.  I am going to talk to Lisa about what I can add next that will be good for me.  Lisa is my therapist.  Mariah is proud of us us for trying and says that we can monitor how the weight goes.  We can always stop if it starts to make us gain weight.

What do any of you think?  Any opinions?

Food, Weight, Pain Bahhhhh

I pulled my back out and I am in pain.  I took lots of pills tonight to give me relief and help me sleep.  But my need to blog kept calling me.

Having a down swing.  Since last night.  Leah was very much wanting to hurt the body.  She really does now.  We listened to a documentary about The Perfect Human Diet and it sounded right.   I would have to change the little I ate.  It says to eat more lean meats, more green veggies, and a little fruit and low carbs.  This is how primitives used to eat and it was a time when homosapians were at their healthiest.  I would have to give up all of the little I ate.

My weight continues to rise from the cancer medicine.  While I am grateful for being cancer free and that med is helping me, I am also prediabetic from the extra weight.  It is also making my bones weaker.  I am gonna have to talk to my doctor again.

Leah came out and talked to Lisa for the first time ever.  So great.  She really feels like harming the body...big time.   She wants to use laxatives.  She is going to use laxatives.

Seeing Blood

I don't know who I am.  I think I am No One. I just know that I like to see blood.  I use to cut to see the blood and they didn't like the scars.  I like the scars.  Now I pick at my body so there are scabs where no one can see them.  I pick at the scabs until they bleed.  I like seeing the blood on tissue.  They have cut the bodies nails very short so I can't do it.  Littlebit thought that Leah was doing it.  Leah though that Littlebit was doing it.  They don't know I am doing it.  I don't know who I am.  I wish I was dead.  I want to take lots of pills and alcohol.  But we have neither.  I like seeing my blood.  Maybe that will keep me living.

No one

Oh the Mood Swings

This is Mariah.  I had a nice Christmas.  My sister came to stay with us for 5 days.  My dogs loved her...especially Bailey.

I may have that the doctor took me off all anti-psychotics.  I was find for the first 1 1/2 months then I started having dips.  The dips into depression were sudden and made me feel suicidal.  Kat told our therapist that she was not a danger to herself because she didn't have the means to commit suicide and her MO was pills. Leah and Angela can't stand being in a fat body.I am searching out peace of mind.  I want to be able to share it with Angela , Leah, and Kat 

We went up 5 pounds from a med the doctor put us on...it was right after we lost 5 pounds.  Then recently we went up another 5 pounds just because.  I can't just keep gaining weight!

Right now I am having a downward swing and I feel like crawling into bed and staying there for a while.  Would that be so bad?

I hope all of you are doing well and respond if you want.  That would be great.