Trying Something Different

This is Leah.  We are doing Weight Watchers now and they seem to think that will help us get rid of the ED.  Getting up to the allotted points is scarey.  I like to stay under.  Also going to EDA...Eating Disorders Anonymous.  That is good.  I am scared.  What if they just get rid of me and Angela?  What if they don't need me anymore?  Even as I type this Mariah is telling me that we will always be needed as a gauge to stay healthy.  I hope this is true and not a trick.  Maybe I will talk to Lisa about this.  I wish I could dance again but the body is too big.  All for now.

Depression

Feeling depressed.  Tired of not being able to sleep.  I just want to sleep for a long time.  I think I am a bit suicidal.  Only have lost 5 lbs since being off the meds.  Discouraging.  Sooo tired of not sleeping through a night.    That's it for now.  This is Kat

Can't sleep!

This is Kat and it's been a long time since we have written.  Things have been going good.  We found a new doctor and our moods got stabilized.  I got off the cancer meds because it was them that were making me have the mood swings.  My oncologist readily accepted this decision.  It was only 4 mos. early.  The struggle we are having now is this incessant insomnia.  Some nights we don't sleep while others we get to sleep but wake up between 1 am - 5 am.  This happen daily.  I am chronically sleep deprived.  We thought it was the cancer meds but we got off those mid June.  I am starting to get situational depression over it.   It is affecting work and my ability to work.  I just want a couple of full nights of sleep.  

I am also getting tons of headaches which could be from the Fibro.  Migraines or migraine like headaches most days are wearing me down.

Still have the eating thing.

Overall thought I am doing well...no I am not.  I am very tired...physically and emotionally.  However, I am grateful for my life and most things in it.

 Is this Jensen or Photoshop?  Whatever, I like it.

And Back Down We Go

This is Mariah.  We have gone into another Depression.  2 weeks ago we swung down but didn't have any "weird thoughts".  In other words, thoughts of suicide.  We swung back up to normal or a little manic for a little bit and now back down.  My doctor is booked as she only works afternoons.  My therapist fit me in this week.  I am afraid she is gonna want to hospitalize me.  I am gonna look for a new doctor because this one just does not work enough hours and is very rigid.  

It is hard for me to hold my head up and keep my eyes open.  my face does not want to change expressions.  I could not work today and this is unusual because I always work.  I also cried a lot today.  We rarely cry.  It is just not something that we do...even when depressed. So things do not look good.

Catch up

This has been a busy 2 months.  This is Mariah.  I have been working a lot along with Kat.  Leah and Angela continue to hassle us about food.  But there are 2 big pieces of new...

We had a cancer scare.  I had calcification in my left breast and the doctor took a biopsy.  It was negative and all is well.

We also got a new dog.  Yay!  She is adorable.  Part Pit.  She get alsong with everyone and everything.  The worst thing about her is that she has accidents.  She is a rescue.  She is 7 month old.  I am grateful.

I have to admit...even with all the good things I feel like the big D is coming back.  We are just telling ourselves that we are having a bad day.  It's hard to make myself work on webcam.  Kat and I both have a hard time being this outgoing, friendly, and vivacious person on camera.

Will let you know more about how the depression progresses.  Hopefully it will just go away.

Mariah

 

Yoga!!!!!

This is Leah  and I am so excited. Everyone has agreed to try to start to do yoga.  Our back seems to be weak and so that makes it difficult but we are hoping that the yoga makes our lower back stronger.  We are doing it 3 to 5 times a week, 1 to 2 times a day.  We are not doing long workouts but short, beginning level workouts. Everyone stops when we get tired.  No one wants to work so hard that we get burned out. No one wants to do it so much that we get tired.  We are also doing an occasional cardio work out. 

I have to say that Mariah and Kat are still workaholics. Take it up between 6:15 a.m. to 6:30 a.m. every morning to work at 8:00 at Oranum. I think it's great that they only work an hour to 2 hours so that they don't get burned out and because they get sick of the people. And then they take about a three-hour break. Then at noon they start to their "sitting" jobs where they wait for people to call them or notify them on the computer that they want a reading. They work something like 4 - 7 online jobs. I am not exaggerating. They say that we need the money and that is what we do for a living and they really love it. I say I would rather be exercising. But they say that is my eating disorder. They say everything is my eating disorder. Right now I have a very bad headache and they say that is from not eating. Well, that's all for me. Would love it if you left a comment. No one ever leaves a comment.:-(

I am conflicted.

I Want More Control...Leah

This is Leah. I want to program the body to be satiated and satisfied with very little food through out the day.  I found out that the best times to take auto suggestions are right before falling asleep and right as you wake up.  So I am thinking maybe I can program the others to get with the program.

I can't wait till we are off this cancer drug and I can really start making the body lose weight.  I can start us doing yoga and then Jazzercise and then elliptical and then more often until we are exercising whenever we can.  That will be a lot.  It's about time I have some control back.  I am also going to program us to not have headaches.  I think I can do that.  In fact, I can do that.  I am strong that way.