This is Me!

I am Kat.  I had an eating disorder when I was in elementary school and then in High School I started restricting rather than over eating.  Then in college it got a lot worse.  People were telling me not to lose any more weight,  But I wanted to and would have if I had not gone into the hospital to recover.  The thing about UCLA NPI is that they said they had an eating disorder program but it was very small and almost non-existent.  But I went anyway and learned how to eat again through Behavior Modification.  So they changed the behavior but they didn't change the obsession or the reason for the obsession.  So I went many years not starving, or taking laxative or exercising compulsively.  But I still hated my body.  I still was not comfortable in my skin.  So I went into the hospital when I was 28.  Lived my life with an odd relationship with food but I was eating.

Okay, shoot forward to age 49 and I learn that I have a 5 mm, 1st stage tumor in my right breast.  They do a lumpectomy...get it all...none in the lymph nodes and I have radiation.  All is well...I am cancer free.  Now I have to go on the 5 year meds called Femora.  Let me tell you...I gained 30 unexpected pounds in 2 months.  It went strait to my waist and settled there.  I ...then...relapsed into an Eating Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified: Restrictive type.  I started eating as little as I possibly could without getting a huge headache.  I was so mad.  I lost 20 pounds through exercising and not eating much.  

So now we are 3 years later.  I am now starving myself.  I don't exercise because the cancer meds, fibromyalia, and starving makes me too tired.  So I am not exercising very much but part of me wants to do it compulsively.  I just don't have the energy for it.  Oh and last week I started taking laxatives.  An alter Leah decided that it was time to take laxatives again.  She sneaks them.  I (Kat) would like to work out more.  Oh and we are now entering all our food that we eat into My Fitness Pal.  I am keeping my calories low and only eating 15 or less sugar a day.  And I am still fat because I am still on the drug and will be for 2 more years.  I need to loose 25 - 35 pounds.  That will put me anywhere from 125- 134.  I am fat and I hate it.  I have a big belly from the meds and I hate it.  So I am doing something to change it.  NOW.

So we discussed my cancer free body, my eating disorder, and DID.  If you have any questions please comment.